THE 87TH OSCARS: VOXFROCK’S RED CARPET WRAP
We’re boxed in, Voxfrockers. Stuck in a glamour groove. The goddess gown, otherwise known as the column, the pillar, the straight-up-and-down-with-a-va-voom-in-the-middle gown, was, is, and most likely will be, the go-to solution for celebrities on every red carpet from here to the Baftas and back for the forseeable future. No innovation we can think of – bar the odd, marvellously voluminous, rustling ball-skirt (bless your corsets Kelly Osborne and Felicity Jones; your efforts most appreciated) – looms to relieve the yawning boredom of it all. Now every red carpet procession of goddess gowns, hairdos, shoes, jewels and makeup looks, including tonight’s Oscars, is remarkably similar to the red carpet procession before it, and the one before that, and the one before that and the one….And we have only ourselves to blame. We’ve critiqued celebrity women into a set of sartorial formula least likely to trigger rude responses. Keep to the guidelines: this body, that face, this hair, these shoes, that frock – ok? – and we won’t bitch. Probably. Maybe. Ok, we will, but not as much as when you wore that skanky rag you did last Oscars. Gorgeousness is not in short supply on red carpets – au contraire – our edit of the Oscars proves that. But, genuine heart-throbbing gob-smacking glamour is rare; the kind that surprises, triggers sharp intakes of break and twanging of heart strings. Marion Cotillard’s Dior gown almost – not quite – twanged ours but, fashion’s red carpet raison d’etre, we suspect, is still on the brink of a sad – albeit gorgeous – extinction….
The Voxfrockers’ hands-down fave frock: Marion Cotillard in Dior, a gown that appeared dull as designer dishwater in the front but animated in the manner of a 1950s arabesque fashion illustration as she moved, arching her back to accentuate the dropped catch and gathered train in the back.
Dakota Johnson in Yves St. Laurent red column with silver rope mono shoulder strap. A devastatingly pretty girl in a perfectly perfect simple frock.
Naomi Watts takes a tricky feature – all over pattern – into the goddess frock genre and triumphs, not least for the balance of a couldn’t-give-a-toss-really beachy hair do. Dress by Giorgio Armani.
Chrissy Teigan does good bombshell in iceblue Zuhair Murad, with John Legend.
Lorelei Linklater in a Gabriela Cadena gown worthy of any “first formal” frock shop specialising in Chinese imports. But, here’s the thing: gaudiness has crept into the Zeitgeist, and is, as we speak, pecking along the fringes of mainstream fashion. Miss Linklater’s wrongness feels a little bit right.
Margo Robbie in Yves St. Laurent draped chiffon. Like, hell-0! Love love loved by the Voxfrockers who discussed chopping the hemline to midcalf, changing the colour to grey, adding a silk rose at the waistline and casting Miss Robbie in a revamp of High Society opposite Eddie Redmayne in the role of Bing Crosby. Or not.
Photos: Style.com (main photo, top: Cate Blanchett, knows the red carpet formula and still manages to infuse every ensemble with a quirk uniquely hers. Black velvet and chunky jade necklace? That’s it; no more. Poifick.
Compiled by Candice Burke, Janice Breen Burns and Michaela Summers with extra research by Terry Carruthers and Emily Carruthers-Morgan, info@voxfrock.com.au
