They won’t last long. Patterned pants pop back into fashion every generation or three, a seductive mix of exuberant surface and sheer over-the-topness. But, by their nature, they can’t last. Soon enough, the slavish legions of early adopters twig that they forgot to crane for a squiz at their rear end in the boutique fitting room, or neglected to notice, as they clicked “Add to cart” that the webshop model was a size zero giraffe with no buttocks to speak of.
Does your bum look big in those patterned pants, Veronica? Why yes, it most certainly does! Not only that, patterned pants render the legs of most mere mortals “shorter” and “wider” by an unfortunate optical illusory effect of swell and expansion and, by their innate ostentation, tend to draw the attention of beholders to precisely this, and the aforementioned big-bottom phenomenon.
Which is not to say patterned pants are a fashion hazard to us all. Noooo. Note to the giraffe-legged and buttock-less among us: knock yourself out. With a crisp little shirt-let, biker-esque or other shapely jacket , and a fetching pair of ankle boots or other gobsmacker heels, there’s few cooler ensembles for casual winter. But, the rest of us – sizes 12-through-curvey, with more ordinary ratios of leg-to-torso and waistline-to-bum-size – would more wisely explore winter’s plethora of flatteringly slim blacks. In silks, pontis, leathers (especially leathers) and all manner of elasticated polywhatsits: black skinny pants are as abundant now as their more problematic patterned counterparts. In fact, where’s the dilemma? Bottom-expanding, leg-shortening patterned pants, or..?
Exactly. Resist the fashionable pull of patterns; for proper girly bottoms, black’s back.
Pictured,Donna Karan’s relentlessly realistic solutions to the tight pants problem for DKNY, wre shown in New York for Autumn/Winter 2013/14: slim blacks refined for all with clean tailored layers (bye-bye bum altogether!) or structured top with flattering peplum overhang. Sorted.
To see the complete DKNY collection: http://www.style.com/fashionshows/review/F2013RTW-DKNY
Janice Breen Burns
